I was reading year 10 high school books. I remember coming across the word ‘matter’ in a book. I had known this word but it stumped me. Astounded me.
My teachers said I was a prodigy (see).
I read it 20 times and saw 20 meanings of what it actually could mean..
40 years on and I still have a vision that one day I will paint the sun with a black cross. I dream I live and die in each moment. 40 years… Today Camus greatest question doesn’t plague me anymore or has for some time. I oscillate between 2 questions- shotgun to the head of wait until I can pick my drooling bleeding eyes nose and mouth up off the tiles and destroy this city with a flame thrower. I will go first or everything burns when I return. Ps I saw a man the other day when out driving through his kitchen window. I saw his eyes… he was dead. I would have stopped to talk but the lights were out in your soul so I kept driving sobbing because I had seen in you what will happen to me. This is the greatest problem when you are born with a beautiful heart and at the same time my definition of what it mean to be a man of great passion. What a fucking plague.. but not one plague on me I chose. Merely a byproduct of being a lover that had to learn to fight but then lost a war through the persecution of the evil he encountered. Chris Canham